


Can I keep you company?

by JennMatsuoka



Series: Bang Chan & his (boy)friends [1]
Category: Stray Kids (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Bisexual Kim Namjoon | RM, Bottom Bang Chan, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, Explicit Sexual Content, Idol Life, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mentions of Unhealthy Eating Habits, personal struggles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:26:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28236912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JennMatsuoka/pseuds/JennMatsuoka
Summary: When Bang Chan finds himself alone on the holidays, he expects to have his loneliness and the laptop where he creates music as the only company available, but suddenly an unexpected message from an unknown number puts a new person in his life.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Kim Namjoon | RM
Series: Bang Chan & his (boy)friends [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2118396
Comments: 6
Kudos: 53





	Can I keep you company?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is the first fanfic I have ever published on this platform and also the first work I’ve dared to write in English. Since it is not my first language, I’m aware that I might have mistakes or that my grammar might seem off sometimes, so feel free to correct me in the comments. Though I’m not sure someone will read this, I really needed to write about these two men. It’s not like I actually ship them in real life but… You know… I have been thinking about them for a long time and here I am. My intention is to write a few works where Bang Chan interacts with other idols outside of Stray Kids. Without further ado, enjoy. 
> 
> Disclaimer: The actions, thoughts and dialogues depicted in the following work are just fiction and they do not necessarily reflect the reality, feelings, or sexualities of the people portrayed. As fans we should always be aware that idols are humans before being objects of our inspiration.

I

He looked for a reason but couldn’t find any. It had started as a small feeling, a tingling curiosity created by a stare. Two sets of eyes collided, one looking with respect and disinterest, the other with intrigue. Bang Chan didn’t think too much about it, not in the beginning at least. They were scheduled to perform and everyone was excited. He sat at the back of their dressing room observing the boys. Each of them was doing their own thing, calculating every detail needed to do a good job. That was their duty: To look the best they could, to sing the best they could, to dance the best they could.

He was tired.

Life was like that; Chan had learned soon that what you love the most can sometimes become excruciating. But he didn’t give up because he wasn’t the only one holding a dream, there were seven people working as hard as him. It was something that he had to endure, to take care of the team he had created even if it transcended the limits of his integrity. That day Seoul was especially cold, so cold that the clothes touching his skin triggered a silent pain. Felix walked next to him and put a light hand on his shoulder while he showed a gentle smile. Chan knew he was perceptive and could probably sense his troubling feelings. When the music started, everyone put on the performer mask, the one that changes according to the melody playing. Everything went right. There was no audience that day, but the staff of the television station were watching and clapped at the end of the song. They lacked genuine excitement on the action. It was just a polite act, Chan knew.

They walked through the long hallway to come back, pick up their stuff and leave with the manager. A few other groups were waiting for the time to record their own performances and bowed with different grades of respect according to their statuses when they came across them.

“Minho?” Chan was walking with automatic movements, not thinking too much, just acting by inertia. The cheerful voice startled him a little and when he saw the owner he immediately bowed deeply. J-hope from BTS had called his fellow member: “Is this the group you debuted with?” The answer was rather obvious, Chan supposed, but it was one of those things one could ask to start a conversation. Minho talked to him with shy familiarity while the rest of Stray Kids watched the interaction in silence “Oh! The rest of my group is at the dressing room… I was on my way to the toilet” J-hope continued speaking. “I wish Jungkook was here to greet you. He mentions you from time to time. You helped us all as our backup dancer… I remember you were there with me when I performed _Mama._ Also, you were right next to Jungkook when he sang his solo, the choreographer put you there because you’re a really good dancer, no wonder why Kook remembers you so well…” There were a few more words exchanged and then the senior had to go.

Chan looked at him discreetly and wondered if someone like him, someone who had endured being called an _idol_ for many years was still happy about it. He wondered what kind of will could keep someone on an industry that consumes people’s humanity like a silent poison. Jisung started speaking about the interaction with Minho and Chan stopped looking at J-hope. His mind wandered through emptiness again. They had to come back in two days to record another performance and witness the champion of the week. They had no chance, especially because of BTS’ presence. They were like monsters and Stray Kids was the underdog. 

_The days are starting to look the same_. But two days later that thought was demolished. 

Minho got called again, but this time it wasn’t J-hope’s voice the one that resonated through the hallway. It was Jungkook’s. Stray Kids bowed again and the rest of BTS mirrored the action. “Are you guys coming to the ceremony?”

“Yes, we were on our way” Someone from Stray Kids replied to Jungkook’s question.

“Let’s go then”

The voices of the MCs were echoes that soon turned into noiseless movements to Chan. “The winner of the week is… BTS. Congratulations!” The music started and everyone, the very few people that were there, no audience again, danced, including Chan. His head had started to hurt.

It was a bizarre feeling, knowing without looking that someone is observing you intensely. He saw a couple of kind but penetrating eyes starting at him when he peeked through his own ones. Chan bowed with respect: The leader of BTS was watching him. Soon it was time for them to leave and give the spotlight to the Nation’s treasure group. He and his members bowed again. Chan started walking only when everyone was already moving. He was stopped.

“Are you Bang Chan?” He turned. It was Jungkook.

“Oh… Yes, that’s me.”

“You and I were born on the same year. Maybe we could be friends”

“Sure” He tried not to look puzzled. _Why are you asking me that? You must have many friends already._

“Would you give me your number?” 

II

The month passed by quickly and promotions ended but the work didn’t finish for him. Chan slept, ate and coexisted next to his laptop. _Chuseok_ came and he found himself alone in the dorm with Felix. “Are you sure you don’t want to come with me?” His co-member and friend asked.

“I’m okay, Felix. You have asked three times already” Felix’s eyebrows met in the middle of his forehead and Chan smiled at his concern. Changbin had invited the younger to spend the holidays with his family. The invitation quickly reached Chan as well but he declined. He ruffled Felix’s hair hoping it would calm the other.

“I’m going tomorrow… Let me know if you want to come along.” But he didn’t go. And the sound of the electricity going through the electronics in the house was suddenly his only roommate. It didn’t matter. Evidently, he preferred to be with his family in Australia, but that option wasn’t available at the moment. The environment was humid and cold, but there was a little bit of sunlight that went through the window and formed odd figures on the wooden floor. He ate whatever he found without control. It was a habit that his parents didn’t approve and Chan tried to avoid it when people were close to him, but no one was watching him in that instant. His hands traveled to his mouth countless times until his phone rang with the sound of a message notification. He frowned when he saw the unknown number and grunted under his breath, hoping it wasn’t a _sasaeng._

But the owner of the new message wasn’t some sort of stalker. No, the situation was weirder. 

_Hello! This is Kim Namjoon. Jungkook gave me your number. I hope you don’t mind._ [03:27 p.m.]

 _RM… Maybe you know me by that name…_ [03:28 p.m.]

Bang Chan started at the screen, perplexed.

 _Hi! I don’t mind it, no worries_. [03:32 p.m.]

III

Chan had many friends, many acquaintances. Maybe too many. When Jungkook had asked for his number Bang Chan had assumed that it was merely a well-mannered action. Something that belonged to Korean culture. He had learned that when he was younger and came from Australia: Korean people were different and many of them felt obligated to make “friends” through age. Jeon Jungkook didn’t need his friendship; he didn’t need his presence either. Namjoon soon clarified the situation and explained to Chan that he was who had pushed Jungkook to get his number. The possible reason for that aroused his curiosity, but Chan didn’t dare to ask.

Their conversations were vague, trivial sentences that one would exchange with someone who’s not too close to. It was odd, but it didn’t bother him, especially because those were the only interactions accessible at the moment. The days got consumed by his loneliness, loneliness that was interrupted only by his inspiration. He worked on some music. _What else can I do?_

When he woke up on Thursday and he checked his phone he found a message:

 _How are you celebrating Chuseok?_ [yesterday, 11:43 p.m.]

 _I’m not. I’m alone at the dorm, there’s no point._ [9:46 a. m.]

 _I fell asleep yesterday, sorry._ [9:47 a.m.]

The screen lighted up and the device started to vibrate. “He-Hello?” That was the first time the other called him.

“Hey, how are you?”

“I’m doing great, how about you?”

“Oh, I’m good as well” Chan noticed that the other’s voice was quite intense and rich. It wasn’t too deep like Felix’s but still it gave a sense of kingship that wouldn’t go unnoticed by Chan. “Since you are alone, would you like to hang out with me tomorrow?” _He’s very direct_ , Chan thought. He was, for a moment, tempted to say no. They didn’t know each other, not really. Bang Chan knew BTS of course, everyone knew them, but reality was different from seeing someone on a screen, across the hallway or far away on a stage. You never know their real personalities; Chan had become aware of that after a few years of his training program. It applied to his own persona as well. People tended to idolize individuals like him, but they were just humans, and humans could be horrid. Even with those judgements in mind, Bang Chan didn’t decline the offer. Maybe, just maybe the interaction would drive away for a moment the emptiness threatening his mind.

IV

He took a taxi and arrived to a quiet place. It was far away from the few popular districts in Seoul. _Makes sense, he doesn’t want to deal with people going crazy and taking hundreds of pictures._ That wasn’t a problem for him, Stray Kids barely had fans in Korea. The café was cozy and gave a wave of heath that Chan’s flushed face thanked. The days were getting colder. Korea’s weather seemed hostile, especially when he compared it to his childhood memories in Australia. He tried not to think too much about that. The place was rather empty, but it was nice. He roamed for a few moments before he found him at the back of the place in a table located at the corner.

“Hi” He took off his black face mask. The other looked at him and gave him an affable smile, then he stood up. Chan knew that he was short compared to other people on the industry and that was confirmed again when he saw the leader of BTS. He was tall. _He’s taller but somehow, I seem a little bit stronger than him_ , he thought to comfort himself.

“Does it bother you if we sit here? I prefer this spot… You know, to avoid undesirable people” He laughed and Chan couldn’t help but do the same, with a lot less enthusiasm though. He told the other that there was no problem and sat in front of him. “By the way, just call me Namjoon, there’s no need to call me by my stage name” Chan nodded to agree. A waitress approached them and Namjoon asked for some sort of hipster coffee.

“I’ll have hot chocolate, thank you” When the waitress left the older one looked at him with a raised brow. “I don’t really drink coffee” He explained sheepishly. Namjoon grinned.

“I didn’t choose the right place then, I apologize”

Chan waved his hand “No, don’t worry about that. I like it here, besides… Somehow you got me out of my isolation for a moment.” Namjoon’s smile deepened. _He also has dimples._

“Why would you be alone on _Chuseok_?”

“Well… The company gave us a week to rest and celebrate and everyone went to see their families but mine’s in Australia” He hoped the frustration of his words wasn’t too evident. “I’m from Australia by the way”

“Yeah, I know” His voice sounded like a mutter. Chan was confused.

“How do you know?” He had pride on his communicational skills, and he liked to think that after being in Korea for about ten years he didn’t have any sort of foreign accent. Also, he usually presented himself with his Korean name instead of his English one.

“Sorry?”

“How do you know I’m from Australia?”

“Well, I saw you at an award show last year. Your group won something and you gave your speech in Korean and English. I was quite surprised to hear someone speak English with an accent other than American.” He scratched the back of his head and chuckled.

“I see” The tension on his shoulders dissipated gradually. “What about you?”

“Me? Well… I’m not from Australia” For the first time in a while Chan laughed and he meant it.

“I mean… Why are you here on _Chuseok_?”

“Oh” He also laughed “My company gave us a month to rest. We haven’t stopped working since forever.” He explained the last sentence after he saw Chan’s expression. The younger hoped he didn’t look too jealous “I already saw my family and the other members are doing… I don’t know… Stuff” Bang Chan was glad. Indeed, humans could be horrible, but the man in front of him didn’t seem to belong in that category.

The conversation soon turned trivial, similar to their messages, but at the same time it was different. Namjoon was an interesting and smart person who also was gentle and humble. His smiles were contagious because they reached his eyes. He was a little bit clumsy as well, that made Chan laugh.

Businesses in Korea were nocturnal and usually you could find people walking on the street, chatting and eating late at night. However, none of them had the intention to spend the night on a deserted coffee shop. They walked together and reached the street. The public lights made elongated shadows. Chan looked over his shoulder. Two shadows collided together and it was difficult to tell where the first one ended and the second one started. Both of them were waiting for their taxis.

“Why did you go out of your way just to get my number?” The question blurted out of his mouth.

“Because I thought you needed it” An orange car with a yellow license plate arrived. “Thank you for your company…You should show you dimples more.” And he disappeared. One of the shadows was missing.

V

 _Chuseok_ had ended and with it his free time. What didn’t end were his interactions with Namjoon. Chan enjoyed his company, whether it was virtually or in person. After a few months he had learned that the older had a passionate spirit shaped by the type of wisdom that someone could only acquire by living, failing and learning from it. He was really compassionate as well and listened with attention without judging. Sometimes he would even lend books for Chan to read, and those books, he noticed, never failed to make him reflect about his life and his choices. Bang Chan could see his past self in the other. It was frustrating to think that he used to be better, especially because deep down he knew that some of the qualities that he saw in Namjoon also belonged to him, but had been buried by his fatigue and frustrations. He felt sorry for his family in Australia, for his group members and for himself.

“Thank you” Chan had said one time on a voice message.

“Why?”

“For your presence.”

Time was an unreachable concept. You could possess the abstraction of it but it seemed impossible to own its true form. Even more difficult was to separate the past from the tangible present and the uncertain reality of the future. In the same way, relationships are capable of becoming ambiguous forms. He looked at Namjoon’s music studio with curiosity. Their styles were very different. Chan surrounded himself with black decorations and neon lights. Namjoon, by contrast, had a rustic style that Chan thought fitted his identity very well. It was a comfortable place, not too small or big, just enough to function as a creative space.

That day they got tipsy, just barely. The right measure to open their minds the necessary.

“I saw one of your lives once” Namjoon started to talk, his voice was a little bit gritty. The contrast was nice, the outside was incredibly cold, but the alcohol and the studio provided shelter for their numbed bodies. Chan was barely sipping out of the glass bottle. Their intention wasn’t to get drunk.

“Really?” He was slightly surprised “When?” Chan went live every week to voice many subjects. He immediately scrutinized his own mind trying to remember something embarrassing but there wasn’t anything too remarkable. He felt relieved. 

“Yeah… It was a long time ago. You spoke about several things.” He was looking at the ceiling, remembering. He observed Namjoon’s chest, the older was breathing calmly, gifting the same peaceful feeling to Chan. They were sitting on a sofa, close to each other. “I was curious at first. I immediately knew who you were… The guy with the Australian accent” He chuckled and Chan couldn’t help but smile. “I was about to stop watching. Sometimes I just don’t have time… I cannot spend my day watching someone doing something that can be as trivial as a live for their fans” There was an almost imperceptible pause. “But your words weren’t trivial, and I noticed how genuine your advice was. I knew you cared and I thought it would be nice to be your friend. To be honest after a while I forgot about you” He looked slightly embarrassed to admit that. There was another pause. Chan swallowed while looking at his pale fingers, his knuckles were a little bit red. “And then I saw you again, when we had to record our performance. I did not like what I saw.” Chan turned his head to look at Namjoon, bewildered at the last sentence. The older glanced at the left corner of his eye, thinking before explaining. “You appeared miserable, like you hated to be there. I saw a completely different person and I wondered if your words were fake or empty, I wondered if who I had seen didn’t exist… I was curious and asked Jungkook to get your number.”

Quietness won over for a minute. Chan felt ashamed. He knew, because his members had mentioned it, that his uncomfortable state was evident, but he didn’t know that his demeanor had started to look more and more distressed. He wasn’t aware that it was so obvious that a stranger could notice it. “I feel sorry…”

“Don’t be” Namjoon was quick to reply. “My first impression was the correct one. Your words weren’t hollow. I have had plenty of time to be sure about that. You haven’t been too specific about it but I Know something is bothering you.” He smiled. “But I dare to say that I understand what you’re going through more than you may think. Let me tell you something: When you feel like you’ve lost your way, remember what motivated you to start your journey in the first place.” Chan’s lips were tied together and a big pressure threatened his throat. “You are very smart, I’m sure you’ll figure it out… You are ambitious, diligent, mindful and benevolent, don’t forget that about yourself” Namjoon inhaled and exhaled deeply. “To me you’re also attractive… Quite stunning actually”.

Chan felt grateful, moved and… Baffled.

Chan understood many years ago, almost immediately, that men were different in South Korea, friendship was different. Therefore, when the last sentence left Namjoon’s mouth he didn’t know if he had to read it as a Korean man used to platonic affection or not. He received an answer to his uncertainty soon. They were sitting really close and Namjoon didn’t have to move too much before his lips reached Chan’s cheek. It was a soft touch, barely perceptible. The older inclined even more to reach his ear and asked in a subtle tone: “May I kiss you?” Chan’s lips parted. 

Chan remembered, once again, that time was an odd concept because at that moment it seemed to stop. A sudden dilemma flooded his mind. He had never shown interest in another man, nor another man had ever showed interest in him, but at that moment there was a small voice at the back of his head screaming _Fuck it!_

He stopped thinking and followed his body. His chest was occupied by a mixture of excitement and anxiety. Namjoon was a careful but dominant kisser and Chan found rather quickly that he was enjoying the moment more than he dared to admit. Suddenly the room seemed too silent, filled only with the sound of their mouths meeting again and again. When Namjoon put a hand on his waist and pulled him nearer he noticed how many emotions were behind the way the other was kissing him: Joy, expectation, eagerness and pleasure.

It was hard for him to acknowledge that maybe he was feeling the same way.

VI

It was easier to blame alcohol. That’s what Chan did at the beginning, but soon he understood that it was useless to deny the reality. He hadn’t been drunk, Namjoon hadn’t been either. But the thing that made it more difficult to deny it was his own yearning. Their touches became frequent and more intense. Chan refused to recognize the true nature of their actions, especially because Namjoon just didn’t seem to care. The comfort of the mutual company didn’t disappear due to their new ambiguous relationship and Chan felt relieved by that. They still talked, laughed and shared their opinions on life. However, the body could be impulsive, demanding and hard to please.

That day, they had been sharing incomplete music projects for a few hours. Chan found interesting how they had a lot in common but were two very contrasting entities at the same time. He was standing up, slightly inclined on the desk with the palms of his hands on the sides of the keyboard. He was focused on the computer’s screen, reading the lyrics of a song Namjoon was writing. The older, who had been sitting on the sofa, stood up and hugged him from behind. Chan got a little bit shocked by the sudden touch and laughed. “I’m sorry” The other apologized and with his left hand carefully took Chans jaw and turned it closer to his own face so he could kiss him. Chan melted.

He could feel the heath of Namjoon’s chest on his back, and the soft touch of his hands on his hip. He whimpered in a low and shy tone when he felt the heath in Namjoon’s body reach his lower part. Chan turned so he could face him. Like other times his mind was foggy and his physique started to control him. He put a hand above the fabric of Namjoon’s jeans, but he didn’t move it until the other placed his own hand over Chan’s, encouraging him. They could hear each other’s breathing, erratic sounds filled with desire. He unbuttoned Namjoon’s pants, slid his hand inside of his underwear and moved, figuring out that he should touch the other similarly to what he would usually do on himself. Namjoon looked completely aroused.

Chan stopped, feeling suddenly panicked. He glanced over the other’s shoulder and saw the closed door of the studio. Namjoon grunted in protest but quickly seemed to realize what was bothering the younger. “It’s late, don’t worry. There’s no one in the building. Not in this floor at least.” But Chan was still unsure. Namjoon smiled. “I promise”. Chan looked at him and stared amazed. Namjoon’s eyes were burning with intensity, but at the same they looked soothing and managed to make Chan forget about everything. They kissed again. “Is it okay if I touch you as well?” Chan nodded as an answer. He couldn’t dare to speak, afraid to feel too embarrassed about his own lust. 

Chan was wearing a black tracksuit that made way too easy for Namjoon to slide his hand inside the younger’s underwear. Chan’s mind almost went black for a moment, and only then he realized how needy he felt. Their rhythms soon followed the same line and between wet kisses, moans and involuntary spasms they both came after a while. 

VII

Namjoon’s company helped him. There was no point in denying it. However, those distractions weren’t permanent. He and his group were ready to prepare for another era. Or at least that’s what he initially thought. The pressure was maddening. On one side they had received a good reaction by the international public and it was necessary for them to at least keep that amount of success. On the other side, they still hadn’t figure out how to satisfy the Korean public.

He found himself at the dorm with Namjoon. _Our dormitory must be really small compared to theirs,_ he supposed. Still, Namjoon didn’t seem to mind how crowded the furniture of the place looked. Chan liked that about him a lot, he didn’t let fame get to his head and acted as a normal person.

“Do they know you hang out with me a lot?” Namjoon asked. They were sitting on the living room. Chan understood that he was referring to the rest of Stray Kids, the boys were doing their own stuff, and the dorm had been alone for a few hours. He nodded. “And what do they think about that?”

“Well… They’re all fine with it. Particularly Hyunjin who still can believe the leader of BTS is willing to spend so much time with me” Namjoon didn’t react to the last statement and Chan felt embarrassed, wondering if he had said something inappropriate. _He has told me before… He doesn’t like people talking about him as if the only thing that matters is his new status._ “What about your group?”

“They know… We are very close. I don’t keep too many things to myself, especially when it has to do with people I’m seeing and care about.”

“Oh…”

Namjoon tilted his head and frowned. “You’ve been acting really weird lately. You know you can tell me anything, right? You don’t have to, but you can. I’m here for you.” 

“It’s nothing”

“Christopher…You’ve had sex with me several times and yet you still find difficult to disclose your feelings in front of me?” His tone was accusatory but it lacked aggressivity. Chan opened up his eyes, perplexed. But his reaction wasn’t caused by the usage of his English name or the fact that the other was accusing him of being incoherent about his actions, no. It was the implication of them having sex. Namjoon then looked bemused at Chan’s silence for a short moment, then he smiled, repressing a laugh. He seemed to understand what was going on inside the other’s mind.

“We’ve had…?” Chan interrupted himself.

“Sometimes, when two women have sex there’s no penetration.” Chan knew the older was very direct but still he couldn’t control his face turning red abruptly as a response to his words. “But they’re still having sex… Intimacy goes beyond that.” Chan remained speechless. “Well… If us doing all sorts of stuff still doesn’t count for you, we can fix that.”

“I’ve never…” Chan finally spoke in a whisper.

“I’ll guide you.” Namjoon looked at Chan with tenderness and caressed his cheek with the back of his hand. “I usually lean towards women but from time to time I’ve found men that have taken my breath away, therefore I’ve learned a few things… Let me know if you want to try.”

And he wanted, he really wanted but was too shy to express it at that moment.

Two weeks later he found himself in BTS’ dormitory. It was not the typical idol dorm, of course, it was a luxurious apartment complex that resembled western houses. Chan thought it looked like the expensive and six times larger version of his house in Australia. He felt small, smaller than he usually felt. With that much space Chan thought that it wouldn’t be a problem to have privacy, still he asked: “Is there anyone here?”

“Jimin is here but he’s going out in about an hour” Namjoon answered. A few minutes after they found him sitting on a chocolate-colored couch that was positioned on the center of a living room that seemed to connect some of the bedrooms. Namjoon’s phone ranged and he excused himself out of the place. Jimin looked at him and introduced himself. _He knows stuff,_ Chan thought, but maybe he was being paranoic.

“Did he send a car to pick you up?” Chan nodded. “Nice. That’s the best way to avoid Dispatch… Fucking Dispatch.” He said the last sentence like he was talking to himself. Chan chuckled. Jimin definitely knew stuff but Chan found out that he didn’t really mind it. They spoke for about five minutes and he discovered that Jimin was very bold but nice at the same time. When Namjoon came back he announced: “I’ll be downstairs for half an hour then I’ll get the fuck out of here. Enjoy your night” He winked at Chan who chuckled again, this time nervously.

“Would you like to watch a movie?” Namjoon asked and he nodded. Chan followed him when he started walking. The older was wearing a plain turtleneck sweater, a light coat with a tartan plaid pattern in black and grey. He looked casual and attractive. Chan stuck to his usual fashion and wore black jeans with ripped knees, an oversized black sweater and his silver neck chain.

Namjoon’s bedroom had a similar style to his music studio but in addition it possessed an intimate aura. When they started to watch the movie, Chan began to feel slightly nervous, but he noticed how soon the older was trying to make him more comfortable and half an hour into the movie Namjoon’s comments about the story on the screen made him feel relaxed. He felt grateful and couldn’t suppress a smile, Namjoon teased him about it and he shrugged. When the movie finished and his anxiousness started to return, Namjoon took him by the wrist and lead him to the bed. Chan thanked him mentally, it was better to not think too much.

Their kisses were almost antithetic, full of desire and calmness, like they had all the time in the world to explore each other. His hands cupped Namjoon’s cheeks, he smiled widely and the gesture was immediately returned to him.

“How do you want to do it?” The older asked “We’ll do as you please”. Chan had thought about it before coming. Namjoon clearly had more experience than him so he supposed the safest way to do it was letting the other lead him.

“Take care of me, please” He answered quietly and Namjoon looked at him like just a few people had done it before. Chan felt secure.

The heat of his face reached the rest of his body when the space between them disappeared. At that moment Chan felt how the friction caused by the fabric of their clothes was both an accomplice and an enemy “You don’t have to be silent; no one is here. I would like to hear you”. Namjoon told him when he noticed Chan’s mutism. The younger nodded and lifted his hips. The touch of their erections seemed to drive Namjoon crazy because he started to remove Chan’s clothes. He tried to not feel too embarrassed, it had been a long time since someone saw him naked. A few second passed before he could feel brave enough to change their positions and get on top of Namjoon.

“Not fair” He said mischievously “I want to take your clothes off too”

Namjoon replied with a similar face and used his left hand to stabilize himself and incline his body to kiss Chan. When both of them were naked the older looked at him and said in a whisper: “Gorgeous… Come here” He grabbed him from the waist and pulled his entire body closer to him. Chan almost lost his mind when the other pumped him a few times before taking him whole with his mouth. With his own hand Chan grabbed the head of the bed and glanced down to find Namjoon looking at him. In that moment composure decided to vanish and he started to make all kinds of sounds. For a fraction of a second he felt relieved that they were alone. When Namjoon sensed it was becoming too much he stopped and Chan almost protested.

“Lay down comfortably, baby” He obeyed and saw Namjoon reaching the nightstand beside the bed to grab some stuff. Chan inhaled and exhaled deeply. “If it’s too painful please tell me and we’ll stop, okay?”

The sensation of Namjoon’s fingers inside of him was odd, like a foreign and unpredictable feeling, but he tried to take it as best as he could, especially because Namjoon was looking at him like he was precious and he feared to hurt him. At the same time his eyes seemed like two embers that could burn him at any moment.

“I’m okay” He murmured after a while. Chan thanked the other for his patience. Namjoon stood still for a moment.

“Would you like to ride me? That way you can have more control” Chan hesitated for a moment then he nodded. His doubts disappeared when he saw Namjoon biting his lips, his hands crossed behind his head and his legs slightly open. Chan felt his mouth salivate and he couldn’t help but lick Namjoon’s length before opening a condom to put it on the other “Take your time…Don’t worry” He was told.

Chan struggled for a moment but felt better when Namjoon, whose breath was increasingly shaky, started to touch him. The clumsy movements revealed his lack of experience but it got better for both of them after a while, and when Namjoon’s hand traveled from his groin to his abdomen, his neck and finally his mouth, Chan felt the inevitable need to lick and suck the other’s fingers like a feral animal. At that moment, with his pale skin melted into Namjoon’s honey-like one, he felt like everything transcended his body and not even the stubborn shadow of the pain he felt at the beginning could bother him. When Namjoon’s hand touched him again, they looked at each other and Chan’s movements began to be faster and erratic. He extended one of his arms so he could touch the other’s chest, he felt like his heartbeats were boundless, like every bit of pleasure in the world was concentrated inside the man under him. Namjoon moaned and groaned without shame and that was enough to make Chan’s brain stop working, it was almost too intense to handle. After some time drowned in the sound of their bodies, Chan’s abdomen contracted with a vibration that send shudder through his whole body. He cried out and came. Namjoon then put his hands on Chan’s hips to encourage him to keep moving and, with a lot of help, the younger kept thrusting his now weak body to help Namjoon reach his own climax. Chan wasn’t really thinking at that moment, he was intoxicated by his own orgasm. A little after, or maybe a lot, he wasn’t even sure, Namjoon’s body went tense. Chan then collapsed and buried his face on Namjoon’s neck. The older caressed the back of his head and, with irregular sounds, whispered something he didn’t really hear. 

“Is it okay if we see each other next week?” Namjoon’s voice was slightly hoarse.

“I have a busy schedule next week” Bang Chan answered while looking for his shoes. Both of them had just taken a shower. “But we could see each other the week after that.” Chan frowned when he saw that the other was making a face.

“I don’t think that’s possible… The guys and I are going abroad for a few months”

“Oh…”

VIII

It was night, but the hot weather of July was comforting to him. He was sitting on the floor of the living room doing nothing. Seungmin and Jeongin were playing board games next to him, Felix was sitting on the black sofa, eating fruit and Changbin was on the kitchen _being a mess_. Jisung, Minho and Hyunjin were nowhere to be seen but their sudden screams made clear that they were having fun. Chan looked at his phone. It was like it was almost dead. _How many months? No, it has been almost a year. It’s okay… You can’t lose someone that was actually never with you._ _He’s busy, Namjoon is busy. He has been busy for almost a year, that’s just how his life is. He was never my boyfriend, maybe he wasn’t even my friend. I’m not sure._ Felix looked at him, concerned and Chan smiled. He wasn’t angry or sad but, from time to time, he thought about him, about their interactions and the way he came and disappeared with the same abrupt feeling.

Seungmin stood up and disappeared for a few minutes, then came back with an astonished look on his face. He got close to Chan, who raised an eyebrow, and said in a quiet tone: “Someone is at the door looking for you”

Chan walked to the front door without questioning Seungmin. After all, he was the leader of his team and therefore, many people came to him to talk about countless aspects that concern idols’ lives. _But who would come here at night?_ He opened the door and found a smile that highlighted the dark panorama. Chan was sure that he looked dumbfounded.

“Namjoon hyung?”

“I know we haven’t seen each other in a long time but… I really wanted to see you” When Chan remained silent, Namjoon continued: “Can I keep you company?”


End file.
